QOver a year since our baby was born and my wife is still totally uninterested in sex. Is that normal?
My wife gave birth to our first child and only about 15 months. Our baby is healthy and well , and my wife is physically healthy . But your sex since before the baby was born has been reduced to zero .
We both work , and both are busy . And I know that motherhood has meant a much higher burden to my wife . But she always comes home and tells me that, compared with other women She Talks To, who is grateful for the amount of aid they give to the baby and the house .
We talked about the problem . It does not really fit the symptoms of postpartum depression . Since the birth of our baby , I've had a vasectomy , so no fear of another pregnancy ( we both agreed we do not want ) . She recognizes that her sex drive is gone , and she feels bad about the effect it has on our relationship . But she does not want to force something that does not really feel inside, and I do not want that .
What are the possible medical or psychological causes of this problem ?
There are probably a dozen different things that cause this problem ... permanent changes in the body, hormonal suppression if you are breastfeeding or pumping, tired of working and raising a very young child, dissatisfaction with their appearance (stretch marks, loose skin, how do things look "down there "), a feeling that motherhood and sex symbol are incompatible ... and the list goes on and on.
Now she is a working mother with a huge amount of responsibility on your shoulders, you may find it impossible to imagine herself as the hot young thang used to be. You may also somehow feel that she is failing you, and also frustrated that he can not find a way to enjoy sex with everything in their lives have changed. See what I mean can be complicated?
There is really no easy answer here. In short, though ... sexual life was when I was at the beginning of their relationship is not coming back. And why getting stuck in your sex life today is not like it was back then is a counterproductive exercise, both for you and for her. Ideas about sexual life again as before jumped out the window, and instead replaced by ideas about the kind of sex life you would like to have now, as adults committed parents who happen to be a very busy but the still love each other and want to be intimate.
In other words, stop releasing the pressure being put on you "act" a certain way or have a certain experience. Do not even go into it expecting to have an orgasm, just go with whatever they want to enjoy being together! Suggest that your wife and you and she can try to be intimate, but that being intimate does not have to mean you end up having sex. Maybe you and just hug her naked. Maybe you'll stop at anything. Maybe you have sex but not get to the "end", so to speak. Or maybe you have great sex when you totally not what I expected! The thing to remember is no pressure, and that intimacy can feel amazing and satisfying, even when you do not have a mind-blowing orgasm. It's touch and closeness that are most important, and if you and she can feel comfortable with it again, then you will begin to develop a mutually satisfying intimate life within their relationship as it is now, as partners committed and loving parents .
There may be some possible medical or psychological causes , the best way to find out if you set aside a time when neither are busy and just have a heart to heart chat about it . Part of vasectomy may have put off , not because she wants to have more children , but because they made her feel as if the cause of losing part of his manhood and, therefore , does his own guilt and feel less attractive or desirable . So your best bet is to set the mood for sexual activity , write a love poem to her , wine and dine her, light some candles and put rose petals on the bed .. she'll love that. Some friendly reassurance never hurts as much as
There could be a number of reasons .
Even though you've had a vasectomy , which is in any type of birth control ( because I know that some women need to regulate periods , clean your skin , etc . ) Certain types of BC can cause a complete decay in sex .
Also, some women do not get through the changes their bodies go through after having a child and does not like to be touched sexually. Have you put on any baby weight ?
Talk to her and let her know that sex is an important part of a relationship, and strengthens your bond. Let her know that if she honestly did not know why she does not want to have sex, she should seek counseling and find out why . In my experience , when a woman does not want to have sex there is always a reason.
Blessings to you .
Are you breastfeeding? When you are breastfeeding , you tend to get enough of being touched by having the baby nursing and hormones are naturally eliminated because women resume ovulation generally not consistent if pumping or the baby is still breastfeeding . Weening baby usually resolves completely the issue in about a month .