QI am suffering from anxiety and panic disorder and I can't get any REAL HELP.?

I'm 19 years old and for at least the past 7 years I have been suffering from depression and anxiety problems. I have tried countless doctors and medications, sometimes things helped but nothing was a permanent solution. When I was about 16 I developed somniphobia.. which is an irrational fear of sleeping. Since then my ability to sleep has dramatically decreased.



Over the years I have felt myself becoming more confused, fatigued, stressed, and irritable. For the past two weeks I have been having terrible panic attacks.. several a day. I need real help. I am sick of people telling me to be patient and things will get better with time. I am sick of being told to relax and stay positive. I have nothing to be positive about. Nothing in my life has changed how do I expect a new result. It takes for some reason weeks and months to start any sort of process (like psychological treatment or new medications) and when they fail I have to start all over.



I need help today. I don't want or deserve to be screaming every night because I am terrified to go to bed. No one seems to understand. This isn't an issue about how to relax.. I know to read or watch TV to exercise and to eat right.I have a very real psychological problem and I need real help. I am attending a clinic that is supposed to help me in a few days, but honestly I don't know how to keep my sanity until then. I know I will obviously be fine (I'm not going to die) but I am hating everything about my life and feeling myself only getting worse. The worst part of this whole situation is a don't have anyone to lean on. When I am by myself I feel my craziest I don't feel like I am in my own body I feeling like I am dreaming, and for the next ten days I will be home alone. My dad is in Europe. All of my friends are away at school. And my mom is well just trust me she is not an option... which really sucks because my sister is in town for a few days and I cant see her because she is staying with my mom. My boyfriend is very helpful and supportive, but lets be honest. he is my age and has no real wisdom or experience regarding my problems. and I am starting to overwhelm him. Which is making me even crazier because I am pushing away the only person that is there for me.. so i want to stop. but can't because If i don't I am going to lose it.



I know it probably seems like I am overreacting and all of this is in my head. As true as that may be.. it is all very real to me. I am so scared to do all of this on my own but I cant live like this. I cant close my eyes for a minute with out hyperventilating. Please someone out there please have some answers. and please try to avoid relaxation techniques I know all of them, and most of them fail because I am somniphobic. I want HELP not away to pretend I am fine until help finally arrives. god i feel pathetic. and I am hesitant to even post it because I do not want to be disappointed by how many people tell me to relax and realize everything is fine and nothing bad is happening. ohh well... here goes.



Thanks for your help. Sorry if I sound like a ***** I'm not, I'm just incredibly scared that I am losing my mind.