Just wondering if anyone else has ever had this problem and how they dealt with it? I dated him for a year when I was 15. He ended it because I was a bratty 15 year old. We were the same age but I was very immature and treated him poorly. the first year after our break up I literally cried every day. Not exaggerating. After that it got easier but I'm not sure I have completely healed. I met another guy in high school (now my husband) and since the beginning its been rocky. I was very niave and sheltered so I didn't realize he had a drug problem. I was 16 years old and an idiot so I took him back. We are married now and he's cheated and hid drugs from me still today. Sometimes I'm happy but most of the time I am miserable and filled with regret for the things I wish I wouldn't have done to my first love so we'd be together today. I am still married because regardless of what he's done to me in our marriage he is my best friend and my "comfort zone". I also don't want to divorce because it is a sin. Anyway sorry its so long but has this happened to anyone? Any advice?
all of her friends are crack heads and drug dealers, but she dosen't look like shes high when she comes home. Only thing is she gets very upset when I question her or try to control her outtings. she calls after being out for two days saying "I am so bad" then when she wakes up she calls me names and tell me shes hates me. Sunday thru Wednesday she is normal. My god whats going on here?
I have been married for 10 years. Now I am questioning if I want to continue on. My husband is not the emtional type. However all I have ever asked him to do is to be tender and he instead cuts me down with harsh words and never listens to me. He has never cheated on me or has laid a hand on me. His words are what hurt the most. I am left with confusion and a broken heart and really do not know which way to turn. Please give me some insight on what to do.
My wife and I have been married for about 8 years now and have 3 kids. In the past few years our once great sex life has degraded from 4-5 times a week to 1-2 times every 2-3 months. She says she is tired, but now the kids are in school and she gets 8:30a to 3:00p to herself. Our house is fairly clean but she slacks on the laundry and really doesn't do that much compared to what my own mother did. When her mother was dying I spent every weekend for about 3-4 months cleaning the house and taking care of the kids so she could travel to take care of her. I found that I did everything far quicker and better than she did, yet I found it to be much less stressful and tiring than my job. I am having a hard time understanding how she could still be tired now that they are all in school every day. I work at a very stressful high paying job which I have pushed myself extremely hard to move up even with the horrible economy. I was able to get raises and promotions while others weren't getting anything due to the economy. I even spent about 2 years commuting 3 hours to work every day and then working over 12 hours to ensure I moved up. I did all of this to make sure we had enough money to cover all of our expenses, especially our children. When I get home I'm usually exhausted and mentally drained from work. Even so, I take out the trash, and help out with things she can't do. I even spend one hour every night with our oldest working on his music, sometimes more than 2 hours when there is a recital. With 30 students I'm the only father that helps their child, it is always the mother doing this. I like it doing it, but again it is a lot of work and the recitals and competitions are stressful. My wife does spend time with the kids doing their homework, but I know during the day she spend a lot of time on the internet. During dinner however, I'm the only one downstairs making sure the kids eat while she is looking at Ebay all night. After that she spends time reading the 4th book about the dead lead singer I introduced her to through a movie of his life. Yet when it comes to bedtime, she is always tired. I find this to be incredibly cruel. I liken it to me coming home and not talking to her or giving her affection simply because I'm tired. I know what woman's needs are and even though I'm tired I make an effort to do what she wants. Sometimes I feel like I should avoid talking to her completely and not giving her what she wants so she will understand (we have talked about it but nothing has changed), but I think that would be childish and make things even worse. Our sex is never dull and I spend a lot of time on foreplay. I always make sure she gets off before I do. I'm obviously at a loss what to do. Divorce is not an option now. It would be devestating for our kids, but I also cannot go a lifetime with a sex life like this.
William Matthews lives with his three week pregnant wife Jennifer, their four year old daughter Emily, their six year old daughter Daria and their eighteen year old daughter Mallory. William and Jennifer have a strong bond in their commitment, but that bond is broken the day Jennifer and Emily are involved in a terrible car crash that ends her and Emily’s life. William is tremendously devastated by the loss of his wife, his unborn child and his four year old child. He goes through two stages of grief: The extreme and immediate outburst of sorrow, and the act of denial. William tries to hide his grief from his children as he informs them of their mother’s death, but he fails at it. He further tries to hide his grief from his children and other family members by immediately planning his wife and child’s funeral just hours after their death. William tries to cope with his grief, and the responsibility of taking care of his children as a single father by putting all of his time into working on the job, but he finds stressful problems following him there when he receives a call about Mallory’s three weeks of skipping school and the several warning notices that were sent home about her fighting with the teachers and students. William knows his daughter is acting out because of the death of Jennifer and Emily. As he spends several days trying to work out matters with Mallory at the school, he becomes distraught when he loses his job. His problems increase when he discovers that his sister is in cahoots with his children’s school to try to take the children away from him. William feels he’s at the end of his rope as he fights in the court to keep his children, and his suffers an extreme nervous breakdown when the judge orders the children to be temporarily removed from his care. As a result of this, the children break into severe emotional sorrow and William falls into deep depression and unbelievable despair. He feels he has lost all hope and when he eventually becomes homeless, he turns to drugs and alcohol to ease his sorrows. However, it is when he’s about to attempt suicide that he’s visited by Jennifer’s sister Beth who gives him strong words of encouragement. With Beth encouraging William to reclaim his children and his life back, he goes back before the courts to get his children back, but he finds it isn’t an easy task. However, with severe pleading from William, the judge gives him a choice: He has three months to get himself off of drugs, find himself a good paying job, and a suitable place to live. If he accomplishes all of that in the three month period, he can regain custody of his children. William feels this will be a task that will be impossible for him to complete, but with Beth’s encouragement and assistance, he checks into a drug rehab center, but he finds that getting off drugs isn’t that easy as he suffers several relapses in a one month period that causes him to go through enormous pain in trying to get clean. Beth tries to help William as much as she can but knows he’s going to need more than just her help. It is during this time that she introduces William to someone he has never known about in his life—God. Beth’s introduction at first is ignored, but as William realizes he must try something better than what’s been in front of him, he accepts Beth’s offer of God. However he finds that his problems don’t vanish away because of his acceptance of God, but through him, William finds new meaning to the words “perseverance, faith and strength”. He uses those skills to fight pass the pain and get off drugs. In her assistance, Beth helps him financially in finding a place to live and through his discovery of God; he attains the motivation he needs to endure. He finds several hardships trying to find a job that will pay enough to take care of himself, but as he holds on to his faith in God and in himself and he finds eventual success. He has accomplished all three goals but then disappointment hits him again—despite accomplishing all three goals, the judge orders that the children stay with his sister for an additional six months, until there is assurance that William is completely capable of raising his children. William is severely heartbroken by this; he feels that all of his hard work and belief in God hasn’t gotten him anywhere but to failure. He wants to give up, but Beth encourages him that what he is experiencing is just one of life’s tests to see if he will maintain his faith or give up and quit. William is tempted to quit, but after several tears, and hard work to maintain a stable lifestyle he proves that he’s capable to be a father to his children and the blessings come in his favor and he is granted his children back. As the year comes to an end, William finds himself finally able to reclaim his life back with his children and they all eventually reclaim the joy they had before Jennifer and Emily’s death. As William and his children think back on all the lessons they learned during the year, there’s one lesson they remember that changed them forever—the lesson of how to live life after death.
My sixteen year old son was diagnosed 3 weeks ago with clinical depression. His girlfriend of 3 years committed suicide. I do know they had a fight a few days prior to the suicide because i believe she found out she was pregnant. This happened about a month ago. And my son thinks it is his fault. He has not been sleeping, eating, he has been withdrawing, he has been crying himself to sleep at night. I am not sure what to do. Because any time I try and comfort him it makes it worse. They just started him on Topamax and Zoloft. I think these two meds have been making it worse he has been having uncontrollable fits of rage, he is always sleepy he has been extremely irritable. I am not sure how to help my son, I have started to notice cuts all over his arms and wrists and on his abs. Is he cutting himself? How can I help my son, advise?
My husband is mentally ill, they think he is bipolar with borderline personality disorder. It's been SO difficult to deal with, and they continue to put him on medication and then take him off it and switch to something else, etc because it's not working properly or it's giving him horrible side effects. He is terribly irritable and treats me poorly. He has "episodes" where literally nothing will happen; we aren't even fighting, and he'll call me a piece of sh*t, scream at me, swear at me, etc. He also has anxiety and depression, and some days when we are getting along fine he will out of no where tell me he wants a separation because he's unhappy. Then, within a couple of hours he says he didn't mean it, etc. This is taking a HUGE emotional toll on me and my self esteem. I'm constantly nervous and insecure and not knowing what is going to happen next. I am seeing a therapist myself to try to get some coping strategies on dealing with him and how he treats me, but it's just so difficult. I try to be the strong one and remember it's the illness talking and not him, and all that stuff but it it really trying and hard on me emotionally. I need to feel secure and happy, and I have a hard time tolerating the instability of the situation and I hate feeling like crap about myself. I love him and I want to be with him and be happy but I'm beginning to think that's just not possible. Just when I start to get faith he'll have another episode and blow everything out of the water again. How do I handle this? How do I stay strong and keep form giving up on my husband and my marriage?
Married 14 yrs, we share a 12 yr old daughter. I can no longer talk to my husband. I'm angry and disappointed at myself for all the years I spent caring for him through drug/ alcohol addiction, along with mental issues hes suffered with. Supported him through 8 rehab stints and 4 involuntary psych holds. Now hes better personally, but I was never a wife, only a care giver. Now hes resentful, angry and verbally abusive , so I shut down emotionally. I've asked for therapy for help with communicating, but he refuses and blames me for everything. I'm not perfect, was overly enabling, but I listened to doctors telling me emotional support and stability were key in his recovery. Now i'm left being called out for doing everything wrong. I just tried to support my family and got left with very little, if any support myself. How do I snap out of this guilt, blame and depression?. I'm emotionally exhausted. Help.
I have a child custody order to pay $1300 a month in child support for my 2 daughters in Texas. Everything has been going fine and I've paid religiously to the mother using Cashier's checks (I stupidly agreed to a verbal agreement with her years ago). I have the cancelled cashiers checks, and the bank register which shows the $1300 going into a cashiers check specifically FOR child support, BUT I've been told that all of this can be considered a 'gift' and that I can be sued for the entire amount at a later time. I told her about this and asked that she sign a document stating I have paid her in full for all previous child support and that she considers any and all payments made in Cashiers checks in the future to be legal acceptance of me paying all child support obligation. In return, I've refused to give her any more cashier's checks until she signs this document or until I start paying through the Support Division (her choice). She's gotten extremely stubborn all of a sudden and has started telling me I "must pay up." I truthfully don't want to hurt her or my kids, but I sure as hell don't want to pay something only to be sued for that same amount at a later time. What should I do? I need help here...
and was finally diagnosed with liver damage...would you be upset that he was in and out of the hospital and not working much? my step dad has been an alcoholic for as long as i have known him(im 21 and ive known him since i was like, 5). he always drank a couple 24 packs a day. finally a few months ago he landed himself in the hospital and they told him he had liver damage. he continues to drink and since the hospital stay he has been in and out of the hospital and rehab and he has depression. my mom keeps getting pissed off at him and telling him that he needs to get a job or get out or she will be leaving. the way i see it is, drug addiction and alcoholism is a disease that needs to be treated just like any other disease, and it needs to be treated properly and with lots of support from family. when he DOES stop drinking, she leaves him to go out and do her own thing, locks herself in another room, etc. what would you be doing if your husband was like this?
What should she do, or what would a male want, anything... if she truly loved her husband? She lied, cheated, lied more after the male found out, lied again and again and again, even a year after the incident, when the male found out. He accepted her as his wife again, yet she kept lying to him and he trusted her after it all happened. However, recently, she lied again which completely broke his heart. He has been COMPLETELY loyal, honest, and loving towards his wife, never showing signs of neglect. Yet, she continues to lie. What must a wife do, any means of actions, words, ANYTHING... to try and "win" her husband back... Please express any vulgar ideas if needed... But what would YOU do for someone if you made a horrible mistake, manipulated them, and made the horrible mistake again after they trusted you, and you hurt them to severe depression... What would you do for them if they asked you if they were to trust you anymore and to love you... what actions would you do...? Please... serious answers only... this is a couple's marriage on the line... He was even nice enough to her even after he found out about everything, twice in a row, to spend a day with her and love her and make HER laugh... just to show her what she is about to lose...
I got all these things in my head. Worries, guilt, passion, love for a man who gives me the world yet I treat him with very little respect. I do not deserve him. My worries consist of losing him, turning into a person I despise; a lazy ,selfish person that blames everyone else for my failure. I pray to God to not let me be that person. To give me the strength to understand myself more. But I continue to watch myself go down the path of destruction. How do I stop this. I love my husband very much, we have the best relationship and I do not want to lose that. He is everything to me. But who is this person in me that insists on living in the past and not growing up? I'm 20 years old, we married when I was 18. He is in the navy and I'm working on getting my GED at the moment. Life gets stressful for us sometimes because we still got alot more growing up to do. How do I cope with this in the meantime?
I am 39 and hadn't dated anyone for 2 years after my husband left me. I met a man who is 43 and we've been together for a little over a year. He has problems with severe depression and has never been treated for it (I just know this from his behavior). I cried as he did when he left but I didn't get hysterical. I didn't argue. He said he needed to go to straighten himself out and he didn't want a romantic relationship right now. He needed to free something inside before he could commit to us. I emailed him briefly and said I respeced his decision and that I carried him in my heart. This was Friday morning. He has emailed short messages saying he's letting his feelings flow (he decided to go on a roadtrip even though he has no money) and that I could call him if I needed him even in light of how he left. He then left a brief memory he couldn't get out of his head about me. I passed a football with him once and I'm actually very good at it. He said he couldn't get that moment out of his head. I said that I have no choice but to accept his decision and that he has decided to journey without me. I held him in my heart.. I keep reading about 'no contact'.. should I just not answer? Should I call? I am shattered. I woke up this morning and turned over to realize he wasn't there. I am making myself do things but I feel like I can't breathe. I also told him: If you love someone, set them free and if they come back to you it was meant to be. I don't know if he's sending these to keep the door open.. I am new to this and so confused.. I thought the end of my marriage was bad enough and now this.. Thank you for reading. I wasn't sure where to put this in terms of category.
My husband has serious mental health issues andi have faced my own. I am finally on a treatment that works so I can see more clearly and handle myself. But he is going through cycles almost like he is bipolar except it's so situational. He works a high stress job and left his last one for the same reason. He drinks excessively the more stressed he gets. When he is not stressed (like at the beginning of the newest job or even during unemployment ironically), there was limited drinking and no abuse. Now it is getting extreme athough not physical. Yesterday he just yelled at me and mocked me while I literally cried in a corner and repeated "please stop." In fairness, what did I do to "start this" after his "hardest day of work ever"? He said something snide and I replied, "who cares? Our marriage is almost over. I can't take it. I can't make it better and all you do is get pleasure out of seeing me cry." About 3 hours later he started calming down because, I guess thehalf pint and 6 beers started wearing off (and no eating for the day). I am breaking. I am really wondering if I am abusive too since I tell him he is a jerk (sometimes like that, sometimes I say he's a meanie, sometimes I use profanity), and I have a history of self abuse which I know has been of trauma to him although with my medication working, that has not come up over the last few months. I just don't know what to do or think. I recorded it yesterday so I can be sure I am not crazy or exagurating or anything. Please, and advice, ideas, suggestons, websites... I would appreciate it. I don't have friends or family to move in with and I don't have a job although I have been working on trying to get one even to get out of the house. So "just leave" isn't an answer and if the drinking would stop and he would talk about any of his issues it might be a start but now I am making excuses for him.
It seems like my wife has no interest in anything outside of me and our kids. Granted, I realize some people might see that as a blessing, but I wonder at times if she has any true passion, because although she spends ALL (and I literally mean ALL) of her time doing stuff with or for us all. I've encouraged her to find some hobbies and explained to her that it's important for her own mental health to find a little escape from the family. I've expressed to her that I would take care of the kids and help out with various household duties, if it's what she needs to be happy. I truly don't think she is a happy person and I think it's because she has no passion for anythign else. She doesn't have a social life (she even refuses to do things with her sisters) and doesn't like many people she works with. What do you suggest? Am I being too concerned? Is this wierd for a person NOT to have friends?
I am a 32 year old male, divorced less then two years ago. Lost my kid in the divorce and she moved over two hours away. I decided to go back to school to get a degree so I can move to the city and be closer to my kid. She has found someone else and wont tell me anything. I love my daughter and just want to know she is safe. My ex seems to be very spiteful and does things like this to make me angry. I am slowly sinking in to depression. Some days are good and some I just want to bury myself. I see my daughter every other weekend and miss her constantly, I try to get a hold of her to talk to her but my ex will screen my calls and not reply to my texts. Or if she does she will wait until my daughter has gone to sleep then tell me she just got the message and she's already sleeping. I feel she is trying to remove me from my daughters life and have her boyfriend as the father replacement. My daughter is only four and she cries when she has to go back to her moms. It is just killing me inside and I do not know what to do. I don't know were to go from here and am really starting to hate life right now. I could really use some ideas how to handle this
Okay so my parents have been fighting for about a year and a half, but not fighting consecutively. They'd fight for a day and be fine for about two weeks, but over Christmas and New Years the fighting hasn't stopped. I was expecting something to happen.. When I was about to catch the bus for school yesterday my dad sat me down and told me that he still loved me but they're splitting up. I wasn't expecting THAT. I still went to school, thinking that the work would be healthy especially since my exams are next week but I ended up having to go to the barhroom and cry. I went to the matron and asked to go home and she asked why and I told her what was happening. My dad picked me up and I was still xrying on the way home, and the whole of today too. Teachers know that I'm having family problems so they don't ask about it but my friends do and I tell them because, well, they're my friends and it's better not to bottle it all up. One of my friends has had it way worse than me, her mum is in rehab etc. but she said yiu get used to it. I'm still crying, I moved from South Africa to the UK and I feel that not everyone in the UK treats their parents with respect so I feel way worse than I should. Ironicly I move to the UK for a better future ( as the black community was taking over in SA and the exam/GCSE results wouldn't be filtered anymore, a black person would get lower grades but get to go to a higher school ) and I feel like this happened almost out of the blue and I feel like an emotional wreck. The worst thing about it is that it's my mum who's in the wrong and she'll most likely try to keep me in her house and I KNOW she'll remarry. I'm way closer to my dad, I still love my mum DEARLY but I can talk to my dad easier I guess because I'm a boy I don't know, and I don't don't DON'T want a step dad :(. My dad is still madly inlove with my mum but knows that he can't force her to like him. Letting it all out hasn't helped, I'm just asking for help with coping
This thought has been nagging me for a while so I think I'll just ask. For most of my life I have been depressed. It isn't something I realized until recently when I was able to move past it with long-term and intense psychotherapy. I've had more dysthymia (caused by inadequate development of the ego/self) but at times it intensified into deep, dark periods of my life. Medication was no help, and it's only been with extremely hard work that I have been able to move past it. I'm in my late 20's now and finally feel like I have my life on track. I'm in school for a career I love and feeling like I'm going to be ok for the first time in my life. I still feel guilt sometimes about things that happened in my life before I learned to overcome the depression. I can look back and now tell how I wasn't able to overcome frustrations and hard times because of how low I was. While I know much of that was due to factors out of my control that I didn't understand at the time, I still feel badly. One thing in particular that haunts me is my first romantic relationship. I was deeply in love and committed to someone who eventually cheated on me. The betrayal really shattered me, and I'm ashamed of how I acted after the breakup. I know much of my reaction was due to the existing depression and the further dark state he pushed me into, but it still bothers me. Make no mistake, I have no intention of reaching out to him. We ended on horrible terms, and anyone who knows the full story would agree that my reaching out to him would be inappropriate, unwelcome, and unnecessary. (Not to mention the fact that he has done the same thing to numerous girls that he did to me, so I know there is nothing I could have done to prevent or change the situation -- he is just selfish and deceptive). Still, how can I forgive myself for the pain I caused to myself and others without meaning to? Most of the time I am fine with living in the present and moving on with my life, but sometimes my past really haunts me.
My ex-fiance and I had dated off &on for several years. We both married other people and divorced shortly. We got back together while he was going through his divorce. We were living together, it was my idea that we live together. Before he moved in he told me that he was going to quit his job and go back to school to finish his masters degree, which should have taken 6 months. He tried to talk me out of the relationship until he got on his feet, but I insisted. I figured that I could carry both of us for 6 months until he finished school. Things went bad shortly after he moved in. I started getting frustrated that he was sitting around when I left and when I came home. He had 50/50 custody of his newborn and he also babysat for his sister during the day (free of charge). His 6 months turned into a year and a half because he had failed a few classes during his marriage and couldn't take a full course load until he got his gpa up. After 6 months, I asked him to get a job. He works in banking &that was the time all the banks were failing. I thought that he was being lazy ¬ looking for a job. He refused to get a McDonalds or Starbucks job. His excuse was that he was over qualified to even get one of those jobs if he tried &they wouldn't pay enough to cover child care...plus he had to put all his focus on getting his grades up. He would say that if he got a job like that it would take too much of his time away from looking for a career position. To add to it all, he was going through a clinical depression. He was being medicated and had to go to an outpatient treatment program 3 - 5 days a week. I'm not proud of myself, but I really put him down because of that. I thought that he was using me. Fast forward to today. He is finished with his MBA...he works down the street at a local bank as a financial advisor. Also, my brother is looking for a job and he spends the entire day at my house emailing resumes &he says the same things my ex said that you can't find a decent job going door to door anymore...it's all online. So I can see how my ex could have stayed home with two newborns &been looking for a job all day while I was at work. I put him out, and even after I put him out he still wanted to contiue dating. I still had little respect for him and it came through. He ended the relationship for good shortly thereafter. Last year we had a little fling, but he still wasn't working yet and he hadn't finished school. Now he has been on his job for over a year. I bank at one of the branches he works at. His picture is on the wall at the front door. He looks good. He looks like the man I feel in love with...his smile is back, he had dropped a lot of the weight he gained while he was off work. I talked about this man so bad to my family and friends. I treated this man like he was just another lazy black man. But, now I'm wondering if I was acting like a controlling black woman?
My husband has gone from one addiction to the other in the last two years (that I know of). He had an earlier addiction as a young man but overcame it and was proud of it. (This was before I knew him) He had a transplant about 9 years ago and was told he had about 10 years of life because of other health complications. When I found out the cocaine- he denied it. When I found out about the recreational heroine use-he denied it. Eventually in the light of evidence he had to admit it and justified it with the fact that he was depressed that his life span was limited. Now it's porn - live web streaming, chat rooms with adults and teens and free adult dating sites which explicitly by name are about mutually meeting for sex without ties. By the way our sex life is regular and good. I'm astounded that he can look me in the eye and lie. He's becoming more secretive about how he goes about it and uses mozrilla fire fox. After speaking to him about what I found he denied it as the history had been deleted, said he didn't look at porn etc. However he had looked at a particular profile with 10 pics and 3 videos- this was a local available for sex (I think it was flirt. com.au) It seems to me that he is about to cross the line from fantasy to connecting. He had a new contact appear on the face of his phone the next morning with asterists and only some numbers visible. The number isn't in his contact list on his phone. This monitoring business is getting ridiculous (although I have learnt some new computer skills) I have made arrangements to see a counsellor and told him this and why but he doesn't see the need to do the same or come with me. He simply says he loves me and has indicated that he won't engage in this activity. He has sort of admitted doing it without saying the words. However after two days he was looking at porn again but I don't know about the dating stuff because I guess there are logins which are hidden. I did notice an ID number above the person he was viewing but I don't know whether that is for the woman or is his. So I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this and whether they have any advice. He has been extremely attentive and we have been planning a future.....but I can't cope with this. It makes me feel insecure about the new future we have been planning and deflates me. Any ideas?